It’s been a while since I made a post non beauty related. Speaking of beauty, there are a few products I have my eye on that I’m considering purchasing. I may have a post about that soon.
How is it that we’re going into the end of May? Already? The year is almost half way over… didn’t we JUST celebrate the New Year? Feels that way, sometimes.
I’m not a fan of summer, so this time of year is totally one I dread. I don’t like feeling hot and sticky, I hate humidity and super hot temps. I’ve always been that way. (give me fall weather or winter weather) Plus I hate all the bugs and bees the summer brings. Ugh! I dread this every time… I hate spiders, bees, wasps, mosquitoes, random strange weird bugs that show up in my house every now and then at this time. No. No. No. I’m over summer before it even begins. Every. Single. Time.
Secretly, in my head, I’m counting down to the fall. 🙂 Doesn’t apple picking and heading to a pumpkin patch sound just amazing?
Fall foliage? The sound of crunching leaves?
Pumpkin Spice everything?
Ha! It’ll be here before I know it.
Sorry to those that enjoy this time of the year. I know summer is a favorite for many people. I’m just not one of them.
Anyway… moving on…
Lately I’ve been feeling stressed and overwhelmed with.. I guess everything. Life in general. I feel myself losing motivation and I hate when that happens. I hate when I start feeling this way.
I’ve struggled with anxiety and mild depression since I was a young girl. Growing up, anxiety wasn’t really categorized as anxiety, I guess. It was always just thought of as me just being “nervous” or being too “shy” in group settings.
I’ve always been high strung. My mind over-thinks, freaks out, analyzes everything, panics, you name it. I’m also a hypochondriac. If there’s no problem, believe me, I can create a problem and then worry about said problem. I just can never relax.
My husband is the complete opposite. He is very laid back. Hardly worries about a thing. I’ve always been so envious of people who are like that. What must life be like? I wish my mind worked that way.
The good thing is I know I’m not alone. I’ve realized so many people deal with the same thing I do. Have the same feelings. Have had these feelings for just as long as I have. I have friends and we often discuss and talk about this. People that don’t have anxiety or depression can’t relate. They don’t get it. It’s nice to have those that understand and share your feelings.
Growing up stuff like this was never talked about, or you were told, “You’ll grow out of it.” (when I would panic and get extreme anxiety about certain situations, starting a new school, doctors appointments, etc.) “Just tell yourself to calm down. You’ll be fine.” (because I never thought to do that before, right? Because it’s so simple and that’s the answer to fixing it.)
The funny thing is, I’m such a control freak and I like to be in control of everything. Making myself “relax” or not get worked up, or having those feelings of hopelessness, no motivation, feeling depressed… I can’t MAKE myself not feel that way, ya know? That’s what I really hate and have always hated about it.
I’m also one of those people who is very aware of how people see me. I care about how people see me.
I shouldn’t give a shit at all. For some things I don’t, sometimes I don’t. However, how someone views me as a whole is important to me and always has been. I don’t know why.
I put up this tough exterior in my life, and I can be. I don’t let anyone walk all over me, disrespect me, etc. At the core of it, I’m just very sensitive and don’t like to show that side of myself.
This random post was totally not meant to go in this direction… I’m not sure what I was really planning on writing about… probably not this, though.
Hope you’re all having a good day! I’ll have my review/ thoughts about Makeup Revolution’s Golden Sugar 2 Rose Gold palette, & the Blush Palette Queen *hopefully this week*
Thanks for reading! 🙂